(From Journal: October 28, 2001 11:33 PM)
Well, today was my first day of actual ministry. How would I describe it? Maybe I should first describe what ÅgministryÅh was done today. Starting at seven oÅfclock at night, we held a Bible Challenge at the Kaminoyama church in which anybody who was uncertain about anything in the Bible would have their needs met and questions answered. A very seeker oriented program, I think started up by Kristy Evans the last associate who was just here. And as she was leaving, this ministry opportunity was just placed in my lap to begin as soon as I was ready to begin. Truly an unexpected, great opportunity like the opportunity to lead an English Bible study at the Yamagata Medical School.
So anyway, what happened? It was a no show. The people in attendance were myself, Pastor Ito (who I needed as a translator), and Ryoko, his wife, who came later for prayer and moral support. After an hour and a half of waiting in the sanctuary we decided to call it quits and go home. To say that it was a blow to my ego is an understatement. Not to say that I was demoralized, because we left in good spirits, optimistic of the future meetings. But today was the day that I finally realized why IÅfm here. Previous to today, I was totally unaware of the spiritual state of this place. Sure, I knew about the spiritual oppression that kept the Japanese from accepting Christ. Sure, I knew about the disheartening population religious breakdown percentages. And so, in those senses I ÅgknewÅh about the spiritual state of Japan. But everything up to this point has been presented with an up-swing. Programs were already set up. More importantly, people were starting to seek. In essence, it wasnÅft necessary for me to be here. Japan was presented as a bountiful harvest that had already begun. The work of missionaries of the past have done the job of jump starting the movement to completion. I took the mentality of doing ministry in America here to Japan. How does this play itself out? Well, the measure of logistical failure is a good example. A turn out of five people to an outreach event in an American church would constitute relative failure. ÅgSomething went wrong,Åh we would say. ÅgMaybe there wasnÅft enough publicity,Åh ÅgMaybe we didnÅft pray hard enough,Åh and down the list of logistical issues we would go. In all my years of ministry (few as they are), never have I witnessed a complete no show for an outreach event. There were plenty of times when we wouldnÅft see any fruit from an event, but we would always come away with the assurance that at least one seed had been planted, and that the Gospel was expressed to one who did not believe. Even for a low turn out event, weÅfd come away assuring ourselves that numbers donÅft matter and that Ågeven if one person was touched by the presentation of the Gospel,Åh that it was worth it all. But what happens at a no show? IÅfve never had to think about such things.

(From Journal: October 18, 2001)
Now, IÅfm just realizing just how much work IÅfll be participating in during my six month stay here. ItÅfs what IÅfd call an ÅgOh boyÅh outlook. Today, we had a Kaminoyama leadership meeting and we finally charted out my responsibilities and discussed the extent of how much IÅfd do for the church. Thankfully, IÅfm able to keep the Mondays as a day off, and devote Tuesdays to doing the Yamadai Bible Study during the late afternoon and dinner with the students during the night. It also looks like Saturdays are offÅc at least temporarily. Mornings and early to mid afternoons are generally off with the exception of the weekly LIFE meetings on Thursdays and of course church on Sundays. But these times are likely to be filled up later with Japanese language classes and recreational study timesÅc depending on how much I want to do of course. The five English class load is what surprised me. Closing off any possibility of doing anything else on Wednesdays and Thursdays after 4. And itÅfs getting pretty close on Fridays as well. Then thereÅfs the smorgasbord of stuff after church on Sundays. Looking at my schedule so far though, I canÅft help but wonder whatÅfs going to happen with the area spiritually after I leave. To begin with, most of my time is spent teaching English. Also, will the Yamadai Bible Study continue to exist afterwards? Really, with the exception of the Sunday School assistance, I am not only the leader of the actual program, but the only one leadingÅc with no indigenous leadership attached. A case can be made about the English classes, as the chapel time, the true ministry aspect, is led by church membersÅc but without the actual English classes, people would hardly come to chapel time, at least so I think.
Regardless, with all the busyness that seems to be coming quite rapidly, I donÅft think IÅfll ever be able to deal with my realization that I depend on busyness for my feelings of self-worth. This was especially true on the 14thÅc as not only was I homesick, but I just didnÅft know what I was doing here. Why? Simply because I wasnÅft doing anything.