(From Journal: October 18, 2001)
Now, IÅfm just realizing just how much work IÅfll be participating in during my six month stay here. ItÅfs what IÅfd call an ÅgOh boyÅh outlook. Today, we had a Kaminoyama leadership meeting and we finally charted out my responsibilities and discussed the extent of how much IÅfd do for the church. Thankfully, IÅfm able to keep the Mondays as a day off, and devote Tuesdays to doing the Yamadai Bible Study during the late afternoon and dinner with the students during the night. It also looks like Saturdays are offÅc at least temporarily. Mornings and early to mid afternoons are generally off with the exception of the weekly LIFE meetings on Thursdays and of course church on Sundays. But these times are likely to be filled up later with Japanese language classes and recreational study timesÅc depending on how much I want to do of course. The five English class load is what surprised me. Closing off any possibility of doing anything else on Wednesdays and Thursdays after 4. And itÅfs getting pretty close on Fridays as well. Then thereÅfs the smorgasbord of stuff after church on Sundays. Looking at my schedule so far though, I canÅft help but wonder whatÅfs going to happen with the area spiritually after I leave. To begin with, most of my time is spent teaching English. Also, will the Yamadai Bible Study continue to exist afterwards? Really, with the exception of the Sunday School assistance, I am not only the leader of the actual program, but the only one leadingÅc with no indigenous leadership attached. A case can be made about the English classes, as the chapel time, the true ministry aspect, is led by church membersÅc but without the actual English classes, people would hardly come to chapel time, at least so I think.
Regardless, with all the busyness that seems to be coming quite rapidly, I donÅft think IÅfll ever be able to deal with my realization that I depend on busyness for my feelings of self-worth. This was especially true on the 14thÅc as not only was I homesick, but I just didnÅft know what I was doing here. Why? Simply because I wasnÅft doing anything.