(From journal: November 20, 200 19:42 PM)
This indeed has become the beginning. ItÅfs now been about a week since I wondered if my then glimpses of hunger for more of God would come to the fruition of a more disciplined lifestyle. And it has, over the course of the week, IÅfve been very disciplined in reading His Word, studying it, and meditating upon it. In addition, my prayer life has been rekindled. IÅfm still not where IÅfd like to be right now, but at least IÅfm climbing! And what good timing! Last night, during the Bible study with Dr. Koseki, we finished up our study on who God is. The week before we studied the Word showing that God is an immensely powerful God. I know I wrote something to the effect that the study went ok a week ago, but looking at it in hindsight, I think it stunk! I mean how can someone whoÅfs personal relationship with God is failing, show someone else how amazing God is? ItÅfs simply impossible. But well, itÅfs a good thing that during that meeting, the Word of God spoke with such authority! Anyway, last night, we talked about God as the holy God and God who identifies Himself as love, to give a more complete picture of God. And man, whatever I said about Dr. Koseki thinking about the material we covered last week can simply go out the window! YesterdayÅfs study apparently rang deep within his heart as he showed that he wanted to know a love like GodÅfs. The quote of the day was something to the effect of, ÅgIÅfve never experienced love like that. I never knew that about the Christian God.Åh It almost saddens me to know that the next topic that weÅfre going to cover is the issue of sin. But it must be done. Ito-sensei thanked me after everything was over saying that he too saw that the message touched Dr. KosekiÅfs heart very deeply. Could this have been done if I was continuing to have a poor devotional life with God? PossiblyÅc after all, everythingÅfs possible with God. Something about the Word of God has the power to be able to speak to us directly. But would I have been able to discern what God wanted me to say to Dr. Koseki to tie in all the points of GodÅfs Word? More than likelyÅc no! God could instead use some other meansÅc but it wouldnÅft be through my direct words.
So then that brings me to today. A few days back, when I was preparing for the English Bible study for the Yamadai students, I was surprised to see that the next item on the study guide was an opportunity to share the Gospel. Although, the study itself was sufficient to present the Gospel: itÅfs need and it as the solutionÅc IÅfve never really been all too big a fan of the cut-and-dry presentations of the Gospel whether it be through the Four Spiritual Laws or the Romans RoadÅc etc.. And so, inspired but what Mark Bello did about a year ago, I did a Powerpoint presentation of the things mentioned in the study along with some background. The study was still centered around the provided materials, I simply jazzed it up a bit and added some relevant material. Both Tadaho and Morio were there. They listened, heard, and asked questions about the whole thing. Equally exciting was that the existing Christians liked it and said that they learned from it. It was amazing. Tadaho apparently never heard the Gospel in its entirety. And simply came away from the meeting thinking that he had learned a lot of new information and that heÅfd have to think about the whole thing. Regardless, it was very apparent that Tadaho was thinking very hard about its relavancy and whether or not he found it all to be true. Towards the end, he asked, what he had to do to accept GodÅfs gift of salvation. After it was all done, he didnÅft say all too muchÅc instead thinking to himself about all the information he had gathered and the decision at hand. Morio came away realizing that Christianity is not simply a hobby but more a matter of life and death. No conversion stories yet, but man, this is about as close as you can get without having one. At least I know for sure that they have the Gospel in its entirety! A seed has definitely been planted.
Oh, and after being very convicted after reading Jerry BridgesÅf book The Pursuit of Holiness, and Richard FosterÅfs Celebration of Discipline, in addition to my standard devotional life IÅfve pursued the discipline of regular fastingÅc for the sake of not depending upon food but upon God, and also to help me to hear GodÅfs voice. ItÅfs been incredibly hard so far to keep it up, but itÅfs helped me keep my focus.
Tuesday, November 20, 2001
Wednesday, November 14, 2001
(From journal: November 14, 2001 9:52 PM)
Things in terms of ministry have continued to be great. Spending time here, IÅfm beginning to not only see the seeds that have been planted by laborers past, but the buds in preparation for fruit as well. The Bible study with Dr. Koseki went alright. Sounded like he already heard most of the things we talked about. Well, with some exception. We talked about God the creator, and logically following, God the all-powerful. He had this indifferent look as I went through the notes and the Bible indicating such truths. He still had the same indifferent look as I talked about the possible evidence for a divine creator. But then, something seemed to click when we talked about the complexity of the eye and itÅfs possible evidence for a divine creator. With Dr. Koseki being an optometrist, it seemed to have relevance. And although I know that he wasnÅft completely sold on the idea of God the creator, he seemed like he was willing to at least give it some thought. And so, I challenged him to look at the evidence for itself, and look for the possibility that there might be some being greater than ourselves, who has the ability to create the world as we see it. Some would say that this truth isnÅft necessary in a seeker Bible study, that we should instead start with manÅfs sin, thus being followed with Jesus as the savior. But how can one believe in a God who can create miracles if they donÅft first believe in a God who can create one of the greatest miracles of all, the creation of everything. Especially for a man trained in the sciences, whoÅfs been taught that everything can be explained by science, an utter awe of the power of God is essential, an utter awe of God Himself is essential. Jesus in His lifetime and beyond did some incredible things that cannot be explained by scienceÅc and thus, scientists would immediately disregard Christianity based upon the unexplainable.
Anyways, yesterday, during the Bible study with the Yamadai Medical students, we had a breakthrough conversation. As usual we continued the study of RuthÅc but something different happened yesterday. After I asked my take away challenge question, one of the guys who just comes for the English practice asked a spiritually relevant question. I mean, usually after we finish the study, we go into a time of English conversational study, the reason why he comes at all. Needless to say, heÅfs not a believer, or a someone anybody would consider to be a seeker. But he was willing to put that time away for something he thought was more important. Anyway, in all honesty, he said that he disregards all religion because he sees them simply as functioning to explain the meaning of things. And since he doesnÅft really care why things happen the way they do, he doesnÅft believe religion applies to him. Very understandable. After some very long conversation about the implications of believing in Christ in terms of our life hereafter, we came to some conclusion. ItÅfs still a work in progress but we now have another seeker.
While all this stuff in ministry are going great, my own spiritual life is horrible. My times with God have been completely inconsistent. I hardly ever think of God. And I, at last realize that my spiritual life is completely lacking substance. Sure, I know the right things to talk about. I even know how to communicate some of these things to others through messages and Bible studies. I know all the right things to do. But being here, makes me realize that I so depend on words to communicate the Gospel. IÅfve long criticized people who quote St Francis of Assisi who said something to the effect of continually preaching the Gospel, and if possible use words. I donÅft criticize the quote itself, but more the people who use it as an out from preaching the Gospel in words. But in the midst of my criticism, IÅfve forgotten to look at the meaning of the quote itself. I always dismissed as being almost impossible because to communicate the Gospel without words is so incredibly difficult. And so, instead of taking the next step in trying earnestly to practice these wise words of St Francis of Assisi, IÅfve dismissed them as being too hard. How I always want the easy way out! Only here in Japan, where I canÅft completely articulate all my thoughts and feelings in words, do I realize how much I talk in comparison to the little that I do. I do so little that is of Christ, and my spiritual life is almost non-existant. And yet, the amazing things in ministry continue. Some would be satisfied in saying that this is GodÅfs way of bringing glory to Himself, making sure that I donÅft bring the glory to myself thinking that because of my incredible personal holiness I have made things come into fruition. But I wonderÅc seeing how the multitudes followed Jesus after seeing His deeds, how much more effective could I be in terms of Kingdom work if I was on fire for GodÅc and thus, doing so much more than saying. At least now, I hungerÅc for more. Perhaps this will be the beginning.
Things in terms of ministry have continued to be great. Spending time here, IÅfm beginning to not only see the seeds that have been planted by laborers past, but the buds in preparation for fruit as well. The Bible study with Dr. Koseki went alright. Sounded like he already heard most of the things we talked about. Well, with some exception. We talked about God the creator, and logically following, God the all-powerful. He had this indifferent look as I went through the notes and the Bible indicating such truths. He still had the same indifferent look as I talked about the possible evidence for a divine creator. But then, something seemed to click when we talked about the complexity of the eye and itÅfs possible evidence for a divine creator. With Dr. Koseki being an optometrist, it seemed to have relevance. And although I know that he wasnÅft completely sold on the idea of God the creator, he seemed like he was willing to at least give it some thought. And so, I challenged him to look at the evidence for itself, and look for the possibility that there might be some being greater than ourselves, who has the ability to create the world as we see it. Some would say that this truth isnÅft necessary in a seeker Bible study, that we should instead start with manÅfs sin, thus being followed with Jesus as the savior. But how can one believe in a God who can create miracles if they donÅft first believe in a God who can create one of the greatest miracles of all, the creation of everything. Especially for a man trained in the sciences, whoÅfs been taught that everything can be explained by science, an utter awe of the power of God is essential, an utter awe of God Himself is essential. Jesus in His lifetime and beyond did some incredible things that cannot be explained by scienceÅc and thus, scientists would immediately disregard Christianity based upon the unexplainable.
Anyways, yesterday, during the Bible study with the Yamadai Medical students, we had a breakthrough conversation. As usual we continued the study of RuthÅc but something different happened yesterday. After I asked my take away challenge question, one of the guys who just comes for the English practice asked a spiritually relevant question. I mean, usually after we finish the study, we go into a time of English conversational study, the reason why he comes at all. Needless to say, heÅfs not a believer, or a someone anybody would consider to be a seeker. But he was willing to put that time away for something he thought was more important. Anyway, in all honesty, he said that he disregards all religion because he sees them simply as functioning to explain the meaning of things. And since he doesnÅft really care why things happen the way they do, he doesnÅft believe religion applies to him. Very understandable. After some very long conversation about the implications of believing in Christ in terms of our life hereafter, we came to some conclusion. ItÅfs still a work in progress but we now have another seeker.
While all this stuff in ministry are going great, my own spiritual life is horrible. My times with God have been completely inconsistent. I hardly ever think of God. And I, at last realize that my spiritual life is completely lacking substance. Sure, I know the right things to talk about. I even know how to communicate some of these things to others through messages and Bible studies. I know all the right things to do. But being here, makes me realize that I so depend on words to communicate the Gospel. IÅfve long criticized people who quote St Francis of Assisi who said something to the effect of continually preaching the Gospel, and if possible use words. I donÅft criticize the quote itself, but more the people who use it as an out from preaching the Gospel in words. But in the midst of my criticism, IÅfve forgotten to look at the meaning of the quote itself. I always dismissed as being almost impossible because to communicate the Gospel without words is so incredibly difficult. And so, instead of taking the next step in trying earnestly to practice these wise words of St Francis of Assisi, IÅfve dismissed them as being too hard. How I always want the easy way out! Only here in Japan, where I canÅft completely articulate all my thoughts and feelings in words, do I realize how much I talk in comparison to the little that I do. I do so little that is of Christ, and my spiritual life is almost non-existant. And yet, the amazing things in ministry continue. Some would be satisfied in saying that this is GodÅfs way of bringing glory to Himself, making sure that I donÅft bring the glory to myself thinking that because of my incredible personal holiness I have made things come into fruition. But I wonderÅc seeing how the multitudes followed Jesus after seeing His deeds, how much more effective could I be in terms of Kingdom work if I was on fire for GodÅc and thus, doing so much more than saying. At least now, I hungerÅc for more. Perhaps this will be the beginning.
(From journal: November 11, 2001 12:05 AM)
Iíve lost the ability to be able to laugh. Somewhere along the way (and itís been a very gradual but quick process), I forgot how to laugh whole heartedly and more importantly, how to make myself laugh. I think it started about 6 weeks before coming here. But anyway, itís not like I donít ever laughÖ what a predicament that would be, but most of the times they feel forced, like I feel like I should laugh (with a few exceptions of course). Somewhere in the midst of my not wanting to offend anyone and not knowing how to say it in a completely different language, I simply lost it. I can speak English in the missionary get-togethers like the grow group meetingsÖ but somehow I just donít feel all that comfortable joking around with them. Part of it is not wanting to offend anyone. After all, do missionaries have a sense of humor? Thatís said jokingly of course, but sometimes I wonder. With all the business, and the ìseriousness of the work we are doing hereî, having a good time is often pushed aside and even feels absurd most times. Feels like AACF, the later years, without Ben Tao I guess.
Great things are happening thoughÖ which is the strange thing. The English Bible study with the Yamagata Medical students is proving to show a great deal of promise in terms of fruition. Although Tadaho expressed that he was only interested in the Bible study because heíd like to be a peacemaker between Christians in Japan and the rest of the Japanese people, other seekers are also showing more interest than simply English language study. According to Mrs. Aoki, one of the kids from the Friday kids English class, Mitsuyoshi, who had a history of multiple absences has been to every class so farÖ thus, exposing him to the Christian church even more because of the chapel times. I now have the opportunity to do a one-on-one English Bible study with Dr. Koseki, a man whoís been seeking for about 5 years now. Iím meeting more and more peopleÖ especially people closer to my age, all of whom donít know Christ.
No fruit yet, but the potential is definitely there. This is not a barren harvest. At the same time, I wonder, realistically, will I see fruit in my now 4 Ω months here? Also, I came to an epiphany not too long ago, in regards to a personal mission. Is there enough of me to go around to all these ìneedsî? Oh, how I wish I were a team of people instead.
Iíve lost the ability to be able to laugh. Somewhere along the way (and itís been a very gradual but quick process), I forgot how to laugh whole heartedly and more importantly, how to make myself laugh. I think it started about 6 weeks before coming here. But anyway, itís not like I donít ever laughÖ what a predicament that would be, but most of the times they feel forced, like I feel like I should laugh (with a few exceptions of course). Somewhere in the midst of my not wanting to offend anyone and not knowing how to say it in a completely different language, I simply lost it. I can speak English in the missionary get-togethers like the grow group meetingsÖ but somehow I just donít feel all that comfortable joking around with them. Part of it is not wanting to offend anyone. After all, do missionaries have a sense of humor? Thatís said jokingly of course, but sometimes I wonder. With all the business, and the ìseriousness of the work we are doing hereî, having a good time is often pushed aside and even feels absurd most times. Feels like AACF, the later years, without Ben Tao I guess.
Great things are happening thoughÖ which is the strange thing. The English Bible study with the Yamagata Medical students is proving to show a great deal of promise in terms of fruition. Although Tadaho expressed that he was only interested in the Bible study because heíd like to be a peacemaker between Christians in Japan and the rest of the Japanese people, other seekers are also showing more interest than simply English language study. According to Mrs. Aoki, one of the kids from the Friday kids English class, Mitsuyoshi, who had a history of multiple absences has been to every class so farÖ thus, exposing him to the Christian church even more because of the chapel times. I now have the opportunity to do a one-on-one English Bible study with Dr. Koseki, a man whoís been seeking for about 5 years now. Iím meeting more and more peopleÖ especially people closer to my age, all of whom donít know Christ.
No fruit yet, but the potential is definitely there. This is not a barren harvest. At the same time, I wonder, realistically, will I see fruit in my now 4 Ω months here? Also, I came to an epiphany not too long ago, in regards to a personal mission. Is there enough of me to go around to all these ìneedsî? Oh, how I wish I were a team of people instead.
(From Journal: November 8, 2001 11:03 PM)
In the midst of all the busyness and all the noise surrounding meÖ Iíve forgotten to ask God why Iím here in Kaminoyama. Considering that Iím only here for six months to get ready for the ìlong haulî of 1 Ω years in a completely different locationÖ Iíve been wondering, why didnít God just bring me to Japan six months later? And so, Iíve also been wondering the follow-up question saying, ìWell, in that case He must have something in store for me hereÖ what is it?î Ahhh, but constant busyness can keep you away from asking such questionsÖ and keeps you from staying long enough to hear the answer! Regardless, yesterday, I went to visit the Davisí in Obanazawa with the intent of just having a good time and just getting acquainted. Needless to say, I got much more than that. Of course, they were here in Kaminoyama for some time before Kristy came here. And for a while we went through the small talk and asking the polite questionsÖ etc. etc.. But I was truly blessed by the time we had just ìcomparing notesî talking about our experiences in Kaminoyama and the church here. Just by comparing notesÖ I realized just how far the church has come along since they left the church. I always heard from Kristy about the fact that the church here has changed considerably over the past year, but the talk with the Davisí really confirmed that with real concrete things that Iíve witnessed for myself. But that wasnít it. Midstream, as I was talking to them about the things Iíve seen, I realized how God could possibly use me for this 6 month stint.
Talking with other missionaries here with LIFE, Iíve always heard, weíre not just here for language teaching. And I thought I understood. ìSure,î Iíd think to myself, ìweíre here to evangelize to Japan by reaching out to those who donít know Jesus!î But there were two things that were wrong. First, in terms of action and time spent, it sure looked like I was here in Kaminoyama for the sake of English teaching. Sure, thereíd be a chapel time after the English lessonÖ and in that sense I was really helping the church reach out to otherwise unreached people. But I always came away from that thinkingÖ being very unsatisfied, wondering if the church would continue to be able to reach out to the community without a missionary present. This is one of the foremost goals right? That a church would be able to effectively reach out to its community so that it could effectively church plantÖ thus, making the whole process self-sustaining. And so, Iíd go back to the wonderings of what exactly am I doing here?
After talking to the Davisí I came away with a sense of a personal mission for six months. Which is why there were two things that were wrong. The second being, before I had a sense of being the only member of the evangelistic arm of the church. In essence, I thought I was going to do lone ranger type work. After all, Iím not here with a team. Itís just me in Kaminoyama. Or so I thought. Since Iíve been here, slowly, Iíve noticed that many members of the church here are extremely gifted. Itís just that, I only see glimpses of it because most of the members for some reason or another, simply donít take roles of leadership within the church. But because of my own busyness (or sense of it) I never put two and two together. On the long train ride back to Kaminoyama (about 2 hours), I thought about how I could possibly encourage these members to ìstep up.î And that was it. Itís been said before that if you catch fish for a guy then heíll have enough food for a day, but if you teach a guy how to fish, then heíll have enough food for a lifetime. Similarly, instead of concentrating all my energy towards personally reaching out to the lost in the community, I should spend a considerable portion of it training the already existing church to reach the community. After all, I have some experience in doing such both in college and at church back home. I have the Bible studies, and messages that I can adapt to become Bible studies regarding the subject. Itís just that with personally reaching out to people, Iíve realized that especially here in Japan, you need to build a repoire before anything can happen. Although I donít quite have a strong repoire with the church members yetÖ I can tell that itís growing quickly in comparison to those who are not members of the church. AhhÖ laity leadership empowerment. I get goosebumps thinking about the possibilities. Itíd definitely leave a more permanent impact after I leave. Once again, my job is to work myself out of a job. Can it be done? Well, considering the possible impact, Iíd have to give it a try.
In the midst of all the busyness and all the noise surrounding meÖ Iíve forgotten to ask God why Iím here in Kaminoyama. Considering that Iím only here for six months to get ready for the ìlong haulî of 1 Ω years in a completely different locationÖ Iíve been wondering, why didnít God just bring me to Japan six months later? And so, Iíve also been wondering the follow-up question saying, ìWell, in that case He must have something in store for me hereÖ what is it?î Ahhh, but constant busyness can keep you away from asking such questionsÖ and keeps you from staying long enough to hear the answer! Regardless, yesterday, I went to visit the Davisí in Obanazawa with the intent of just having a good time and just getting acquainted. Needless to say, I got much more than that. Of course, they were here in Kaminoyama for some time before Kristy came here. And for a while we went through the small talk and asking the polite questionsÖ etc. etc.. But I was truly blessed by the time we had just ìcomparing notesî talking about our experiences in Kaminoyama and the church here. Just by comparing notesÖ I realized just how far the church has come along since they left the church. I always heard from Kristy about the fact that the church here has changed considerably over the past year, but the talk with the Davisí really confirmed that with real concrete things that Iíve witnessed for myself. But that wasnít it. Midstream, as I was talking to them about the things Iíve seen, I realized how God could possibly use me for this 6 month stint.
Talking with other missionaries here with LIFE, Iíve always heard, weíre not just here for language teaching. And I thought I understood. ìSure,î Iíd think to myself, ìweíre here to evangelize to Japan by reaching out to those who donít know Jesus!î But there were two things that were wrong. First, in terms of action and time spent, it sure looked like I was here in Kaminoyama for the sake of English teaching. Sure, thereíd be a chapel time after the English lessonÖ and in that sense I was really helping the church reach out to otherwise unreached people. But I always came away from that thinkingÖ being very unsatisfied, wondering if the church would continue to be able to reach out to the community without a missionary present. This is one of the foremost goals right? That a church would be able to effectively reach out to its community so that it could effectively church plantÖ thus, making the whole process self-sustaining. And so, Iíd go back to the wonderings of what exactly am I doing here?
After talking to the Davisí I came away with a sense of a personal mission for six months. Which is why there were two things that were wrong. The second being, before I had a sense of being the only member of the evangelistic arm of the church. In essence, I thought I was going to do lone ranger type work. After all, Iím not here with a team. Itís just me in Kaminoyama. Or so I thought. Since Iíve been here, slowly, Iíve noticed that many members of the church here are extremely gifted. Itís just that, I only see glimpses of it because most of the members for some reason or another, simply donít take roles of leadership within the church. But because of my own busyness (or sense of it) I never put two and two together. On the long train ride back to Kaminoyama (about 2 hours), I thought about how I could possibly encourage these members to ìstep up.î And that was it. Itís been said before that if you catch fish for a guy then heíll have enough food for a day, but if you teach a guy how to fish, then heíll have enough food for a lifetime. Similarly, instead of concentrating all my energy towards personally reaching out to the lost in the community, I should spend a considerable portion of it training the already existing church to reach the community. After all, I have some experience in doing such both in college and at church back home. I have the Bible studies, and messages that I can adapt to become Bible studies regarding the subject. Itís just that with personally reaching out to people, Iíve realized that especially here in Japan, you need to build a repoire before anything can happen. Although I donít quite have a strong repoire with the church members yetÖ I can tell that itís growing quickly in comparison to those who are not members of the church. AhhÖ laity leadership empowerment. I get goosebumps thinking about the possibilities. Itíd definitely leave a more permanent impact after I leave. Once again, my job is to work myself out of a job. Can it be done? Well, considering the possible impact, Iíd have to give it a try.
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