Being here so far has been a very humbling experience indeed. For about as long as I can remember, I've been labeled as being smart... or at least competent. Recognized as being someone who could do a few things very well. Always at the top or near the top in school (things changed a bit in college of course). Went to a world-class university. I come here, and suddenly all the rules change.
I start off with a disadvantage. I'm young. In a country where seniority rules to the point where you haven't reached your peak until the age of 60, well, it's a bit difficult sometimes to get my voice heard.
I had little to no connections here prior to moving here. In Japan, it's amazing. Above merit, above ability stand seniority and personal connections in that order. Age and somebody to vouch for you. Coming from the US where ability is paramount, this was very shocking. To complicate things, to try to show your abilities is, in large, considered as showing-off, thus, lowering your personal connections substancially.
I'm Japanese-American... and look it. Actually, if you ask anyone around here, they'll say that I look Japanese. Not that there's a difference in the DNA of a Japanese-American and a Japanese person. Regardless, although looking like practically everyone else has its advantages, it has very noticable disadvantages. The most obvious of which is language related. People meet me for the first time and immediately they try to hold a normal conversation thinking that they are talking to another Japanese person. After a year of being in Japan, my language skills have improved drastically. So, understanding what they're saying for the most part isn't all that big of a problem. It's talking that's a problem. My pronunciation's pretty good, my vocabulary's OK, my basic grammar structures are for the most part functional... so, to get my point across, for other people to understand me isn't the problem. But, well, it just sounds funny. I miss the nuances of the language. I'll use the wrong sentence structure. I'll accidently choose a word that has has a similar meaning to the word I intend, but isn't the same. I look Japanese, so naturally, Japanese people expect me to talk like them, but I'm American and so, Japanese is a second language... of course I'll sound different from a native speaker. The separation between their expectations and what really comes out of my mouth causes confusion and a lot of weird looks. These looks are usually followed by their saying something to the effect of "Hey, something's different about you," or "Is there something wrong with you," or "Are a little slow?"
All academic acheivements go out the window. About half the time, the locals I meet, come away with the impression that I'm mentally handicapped. I, of course, explain to them that I'm an American, that I'm a missionary, and that I'm working at the local church. But somehow, they don't believe it. They'll pretend like they understand, but, everything shows that they figure I'm lying. It isn't until someone from the church vouches for me that I'm really an American, or they hear English come out of my mouth that they finally believe me. I've seen this happen so many times. Somehow, I'll be speaking English to someone. A completely different person, a person I met a while ago overhears the conversation and my English... to which the newly enlightened Japanese native proclaims, "Wow, you really are American!"
Definitely humbling. I'm young in a society that praises seniority. I started with no connections. And half the time I either come across as being a liar or mentally handicapped.