Pre-engagement Counseling?!
I had never heard of the concept until about a year ago when I heard of some friends of mine doing it or considering doing it. Just yesterday, it come up in a conversation as I was enjoying a burger from Kirk's Steakburgers on DeAnza. The initial reactions from most everybody at the table were the same, "What the...?!" But then, a strange thing started to happen... people started rationalizing the idea, even saying that it might be a good idea.
Most of those who crossed over to the "I think it might be good idea" camp said something to the effect of "It'd be a better time to get the counseling, especially before any serious commitments are made" or "It'd be better to know that it'd work before getting engaged" etc. etc..
I couldn't help but continue to think that it's a bit ridiculous, but I had a hard time figuring out why. I think someone at the table asked me as a future pastor of America if I'd do pre-engagement counseling. I think I responded with something like "Mumblemumble yeahidon'tthinkso mumblemumblemumble." Very confident I am.
Aside from the whole "It takes the suspense away" point of view or the "That's weird" stance or the "What do you do when it comes down to premarital counseling then?" perspective I had a hard time figuring it out. Any thoughts?
This week in fantasy baseball: Lost to Minho 4-5 (but bumped back up to 9th place!)
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3 comments:
EW.
that is what i think of it.
i have plenty more thoughts, but i do not plan on writing it all out on blogger. heh.
I was doing a google search for this and your blog came up. My desires to do it are because of previous relationships. I've been hurt several times and honestly I'm kind of confused on what to look for or expect when it comes to finding a spouce. All my previous expectations we thrown down the drain several years ago and now I've grown and matured and think I found someone I want to marry. Only, it's not like what I expected. Pre-engagement counseling may not be what I need to look for. Perhaps I need regular couseling, but given my reservations have to do with marriage, I thought pre-engagement is a good place to start researching. I like the idea, because I want my engagement to be about planning the marriage and starting a new chapter in our life together. Also, I don't want to be hurt like I was several years ago. I want to try to figure out now, before getting caught up in the exhileration of being engaged, where the strengths and weaknesses of our relationship lie. And to be reassured that we're on the "right" path. I do plan on doing premarital couseling too because I think (at least what I desire from the counseling) it is different. Now, rather it is different or not, I'm not sure. :)
Some of the rationale of what Anonymous said is precisely why my wife and I offer pre-engagement counseling (we also do premarital counseling as well).
Once the ring is on the finger, a lot changes and many people stop really evaluating the other person and are just committed no matter what... and *then* most people go into premarital counseling to figure out if the other person is a good match. Not very good timing.
At preengaged.com, we've written a blog post about it... come and check it out! http://preengaged.com/pre-engaged-defined
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