Yesterday, on the 22nd, courtesy of LIFE Ministries (the missions organization I'm with), I met up with a counselor to get... counseling for an hour and a half. My first time getting Christian counseling. I'd have to say that it was a positive experience. It was actually quite refreshing. Really helped me process things and see situations for what they really are. Gained a new perspective and came away with a better idea of what I can do. I've only been doing this "full-time Christian work" thing for a year, and already I'm seeing how helpful and useful a Christian counselor can be for those who find their vocation in Christian ministry. It's strange. You'd figure that somehow God would give special wisdom and guidance to people working full time for Him. I mean, God would be especially concerned if one of His "guys" is messing up or doing something wrong, right?
What I've found to be the case for me so far is that sometimes, somehow guidance gets lost in the shuffle. Actually, that it's quite easy for discernment to seem to "disappear" when being part of the "God squad." Full time ministry people are more busy that you'd think. I know they're busier than I thought they were. I know this has been said many times by many people but, somehow, the busyness squeezes out God's voice that would give that ever desirable "wisdom and guidance." Take me for example (though I may not necessarily be the best "case study" material).
In a week, I teach a total of 8 English classes. Most of those classes last for an hour, though a few last for an hour and a half. But naturally, when the class ends, for the most part, the people don't leave because the end of a class marks the beginning of hang out time. This isn't a complaint by any means. To me, those times are partly the reason for the English classes to begin with. Add in Wednesday night prayer meetings, Thursday morning Bible studies, Saturday afternoon gospel choir practices, and the occassional performance for a gospel choir concert, and gradually time starts to disappear. And that's not considering Sunday activities.
I do have Mondays off, however. But instead of doing things a "missionary would do" like praying for hours on end, reading books of the Bible at a time, or sitting in the quiet waiting to hear God's voice, I find myself doing mindless things just to be able to feel relaxed. On other Mondays I'll spend time with some people without much of an agenda in mind whether it be with locals or other missionaries. Somehow, the ideas of praying, reading the Bible, or spending time with God in general aren't the first things that cross my mind as being "mentally and physically relaxing activities." And to some extent, in some cases they aren't and shouldn't be. But at the same time, in the Bible, time and time again, God refers to Himself as being a refuge... a person where I can find rest.
In the end, once again, I find an area of spiritual immaturity.