Wow, lots of stuff floating around in my head. But today, I'll finally get around to addressing Bob's comment a few days back. How did you decide to apply to seminary?

The reason why I decided to put this topic aside for a while is cuz when I first read his comment, I said, "Oh no. I'm gonna hafta write a college essay-like thing and post it on the web for everyone to see." I mean, his question is the topic for one of the essays I'm gonna hafta write for the app process. And the last time I went through the college essay writing process it was long and not fun. It ended up becoming one of the assignments for our English class... a what-seemed-like 4 month assignment. And it very well could have been, I don't remember. 4 months from the first draft to the final. Ugh. What did I write about 7 years ago? I wrote something about wanting to go to college to rediscover myself and my ethnic roots... and somehow I weaved Tupac in there. Yeah yeah. He's black (err was... I dunno), and I'm not. So, back to the topic at hand... have no worries I won't write some college essay-like thing. I'll do the short run down. And Tupac'll probably be left out as a result. Too bad.

In my last year of college, I knew two things. In regards to the whole "Whaddya wanna be when you grow up thing" I knew God was calling me to serve Him. And I knew God was telling me to go to Japan now. And so, I interpreted it to mean that this short 2 year (now 2 1/2 year) commitment was an experiment, a testing ground for my faith and trust in Him. I didn't know one big thing though. What am I gonna be when I grow up? But I went. And here I am. I went knowing that if I took this first step, that God would light the next one.

The perfect storybook ending would be that once I got here, God totally confirmed everything and then gave me this huge vision, and now I know. And if the end product is all that matters and if you shrink down "huge" to maybe "semi-big," then, yeah, the perfect storybook ending is what happened. But the process has been CRAZY. Stretching anything, including faith, causes tension and stress. I've been frustrated, tired, burnt out, angry, pissed off, drained, exhausted, sad, lonely, hurt... YET, I will praise Him. And because of that process, I'm starting to sense that I've been given a gift. Not absolutely certain yet, but it seems to be a vision to see God transform the Asian American church into an Antioch. One that truly does send out.

I read through the books of the prophets a while ago. And as I read through them, I learned that with a vision from God, comes a very big responsibility. A responsibility to communicate that vision/revelation. I still don't know what my role is in this vision. I don't know the title that I'm gonna carry. But, I feel that going to seminary will help train me in, and clarify the beginnings of this vision.